Becoming a White Kachina - 1992

I arrived back at the motel only to be told by Germany that I was not to tell anyone of my dance because "They” would throw me in jail. I was told not to dance until the Elders came to talk to me. I was too sad to dance anywhere at the moment.  Germany said, "The Elders will come to talk to you in the next 4 days.” I was to wait for them. I got the feeling I would probably wait forever. But I nodded in agreement. "I will give a very secret tape to you that was channelled by a fellow from the High Commander Ashtar of the Galatic Fleet." I looked at her sheepishly.  "Great, my parents and I will enjoy listening to it." The string came out again. "Are John's parents a part of the inner or outer circle of 32?" The string thing did nothing.

“I will give you the tape but no one else can hear it."  Well that was it!!  As soon as I heard the secret game, I flipped.  "Look, if I'm in the inner circle of 32 great!!! If I'm not in the inner circle of 32 great !!!! But hear me when I tell you this, where ever I am, I am not going to be a part of any of secrets to be kept from any peoples. If someone wants to know something, I will tell them everything I know. Everything! So if you don't want that to happen, then I suggest you think about giving me that tape!" Germany left the following day, tape in hand.

I hiked around hoping that what I felt wasn't going to be true. I was sitting in my motel room alone not knowing what to do. I had been in Hopi Land for three days. I closed my eyes and took three deep breaths and began to walk between worlds stepping into my quiet garden inside my heart. To Lake Lovely Water......

When I stepped through the gate to my garden there was this gigantic Katchina standing there. Before I could say "Bob's your Uncle" I was over his head as a little baby, naked like the day I was born. Then I was passed over the head of another and then before it all got right out of control, I stopped the whole thing. "Woaw stop!  Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop now!  This is not going to happen. This is my garden. This is my head. I am not going to let this happen, because it will be something I'll have to explain!  And let me tell you right now, no, I repeat no Hopi's will be happy about the whole thing!!!!  So get lost and get out of my garden !!!!" I reversed everything then went back to my garden. When I opened the gate to my garden the whole place was black. I reversed out of the gate, shut the gate and came back in. It was black. I reversed out of the gate, shut the gate came back in, it was black. I reversed out of the gate, shut the gate came back in, it was black. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit!"  I reversed out of the gate, shut the gate came back in, it was black. "Shit!!!!" I reversed out of the gate, shut the gate, came back in another 10 times it was always Black!  Okay, I thought okay, have it your way but you explain it to everyone.  I'm telling you they ain't going to be happy. I stepped back into the garden. There was the Katchina waiting for me. Up over his head. Then another, and another, another, another, and so it went until I went over 12 of their heads finally be placed into a pool of water.  It felt wonderful despite the fact I was feeling extremely peevish as later I would find out I had become a White Kachina.

.......... I came out feeling fired up. I was not going to wait for any Hopi Elders to deem what I was doing was okay or not. At anytime in my history of my short life, this out come was usually disappointing. I always felt controlled. I always felt hurt.  And more than always beat myself up later for being "Several Sandwiches Shy of a Picnic Basket," for not trusting my own intuition. At that precise moment I knew, that I could not hold my breath waiting for them.  They were not coming.

I "B Lined"  it out of my room to the jewelry shop next-door. I had a gut feeling about someone there. Violet watched me as I strolled through her shop door.  I said, "Excuse me ma’am, I had this dream..." I told her why, when, what and how. "......I'm going to be leaving Hopi tomorrow. I've decided to dance where no one can stop me. It’s just that I need to show one person from Hopi the costume. Just one."  Violet looked at me gently. "John, you bring it by at 6 o’clock.  I'll see it then. John?" I turned as I was about to leave. "We call the costume a bird, because it is a Bird."  I arrived back at Violet’s shop at 6 o’clock.  I put the Bird on.  She recoiled.  "It’s scary."  The Bird nodded then shrugged its shoulders. "It’s very beautiful."  The Bird lifted it’s wings in thanks. "If it was me I would let you dance, but the police watch and they would throw you in jail."  The Bird nodded sadly in agreement. As I was placing the Bird carefully back into my bag in walked a white fellow, I would get to know as Richard Impelitor.  He was 6 foot 2, the cowboy hat made him taller and so did his boots.  He was wearing a long Australian riding jacket. The one that reaches to your feet.  He looked as Texan as I would imagine one. "Where ya headed?"  "I'm off to the Grand Canyon tomorrow."  "Listen", he said. "I'm going to Flaggstaff tomorrow.  If you want a ride I'll drop you off." I went to say good-bye to Violet, thanking her.  I met Richard at the arranged time. We climbed into his brand spanking new Ram Dodge. Off we went west towards the Grand Canyon. I was feeling much better. "John?"  "Yes."  "Did you know that Violet’s people call her a witch?"  This was a most unusual ice breaker.  "No," I said.  "Well, they do." "Isn't that interesting?"   "Why?", he said.  "Well, it always baffles me that when a person is strong with medicine other people always call them a witch. It baffles me more, that the Natives would do this to their own people. I always assume that they known better. I guess people are people."  "Well, I had to make sure you were no wacko. So I asked Violet what you were like." "Oh and what did she say?" I asked cautiously. "She said you were exactly like her."  "Oh, that's quite a complement", I replied. "So, John?"  "So, Richard."  "So John, are you a witch?"   "Ha,ha ha good heavens no. I'm just a strong person like Violet that sees and feels things that other people don't."  "That's what I thought, but I just wanted to make sure".  We laughed together for a nervous moment.  I too was wondering if Richard was a wacko. He wasn't. He was a Car Salesman.  "Violet told me you had this Big White Bird."  "Yes?"  "Well, I thought I would stop over there and you could pose beside my truck."   "I don't think so."   "No I didn't think you would go for it, but I thought it was worth a try."  We talked of other things. His children, my family, his business, my journey.  "Why you want to go to Dance in the Grand Canyon?  Its cold, there’s nothing but Japanese tourist up there taking pictures. If I were you I'd go to Sedona.  Yep, Sedona is where I would go. It’s full of big huge Red Rocks. There's this one called Chivas Rock. If I was to do a jig, I would do it there."  "Okay"  I said quite casually.  "Don't take my word for it."  "I'm going to Richard."  "Hell why?"  "Well, you just got a tone in your voice like my mother gets when she see something. I know to listen to that voice. Its usually right."  "Shit no kidding." Richard dropped me off on the Road to Sedona. It was 40 miles south of Flagstaff. I was told about Sedona before. It is known to be the "New Age Crystal" capital of the USA. Everyone was going to or coming from Sedona. I had heard so much about it, I thought it was truly worth avoiding.  No one ever seemed to have their feet on the ground when they went, when they were there or after they got back.  As I was driven down from the hills between the pillars of rock, my heart soared.  I saw....

Birdpeople falling into the sky, off  grand cathedrals of red rock.  Pillars (like the beginnings to a great city) side by each. One after another.Birdpeople of hundreds flocked into the air. And there was something else, I could hear......they were singing.

........ and I felt a knowing. It was hot. The sun beaded droplets of water from my skin. The air-conditioned “Information” building felt good. I inquired about Chivas rock. It was 20 miles out of town. Off the main road. “Is there a bus?" The man killed himself laughing. "Do you have a credit card?"

I killed myself laughing saying, “Not since the divorce." "Oh, then I am sorry sir. There is no other way, other than walking in." I was sunk. I was running out of time and money. A voice behind me said something. I ignored it. I was becoming desperate. A finger tapped me on the shoulder. The voice said again, “I, I will take you any where you want to go. Where do you want to go?" I turned to face a man who looked like a vagrant but sounded completely trusting. "Chivas Rock." John Buck picked up my bags, placing them in his car. "Then we ought to go."  I was dazed, zoned as the diesel Rabbit scurried down the road with me in it. We turned into the valley before "Chivas Rock." I was home. For the first time in my life, I felt like I belonged. John Buck turned, smiled at me and said what I was thinking.  "Welcome Home." I was in orbit. We stood at the base. I pulled out my pipe and my medicines. I sprinkled gifts from Roy, of cedar, all over the ground. Emptying the 6 oz's of green dust onto the floor of Chivas Rock. I gave a eagle feather to John Buck. We had a ceremony of the pipe.  It was the Rights to Passage. I was soaring already and I hadn't yet started to fly. Chivas Rock was enormous with a cathedral sized rock protecting it’s side.  The top was empty.  No Bird dropped from that plateau. Moving quickly, not in my mind, I prepared the for the dance.  It was the 27th of December, I had three days left.  Most everyone had given up hope. At least I'm sure Grey Wolf had. Some would say that I was too late already. I reflect on my life knowing that it was what it was and now was the time.  John Buck took Granpa from my hands.  "Here’s what you do John Buck.  You drum slow until you feel me speed up then you drum fast for a while.  Then when you feel me slowing down, drum slow."  "I don't know if I can, but I will give it my best."  "I know you can John Buck. Believe that I believe you can."   "Beside’s anything else,"  said John Buck  "it'll make for cheap entertainment."  I laughed. He laughed.  I stepped into the Bird...... It was fast. The flow was strong. Birdpeople sang swooping down to me in rhythm.  The drum began as I put the my face on.  Bird crouched low waiting for the beat.  Waiting, then from my being it came.  I hoped it would.  I even prayed.  It came as the Bird began the Journey in the opposite way around the circle. Time turned back on itself.  The Bird twirled once, twice, three times around the circle. Then in the last cycle it began, it’s  happening.  The Bird was rotating from the south into the east. A gust of wind from nowhere came and lifted me/Bird into the air.  I, Bird was filled with electric blue. I, Bird felt like something had filled my chest with a huge electrical power cable.  I, Bird jumped to dance into ballistics. As Granpa pounded the air.  "Birdpeople I've come back home.  I am here. It is time."

Red Rock spiraled downwards below my feet. .......quietly now I sank back to the ground.  I knelt exhausted, looking to the cathedral in the sky.  The Red Rock,"Chivas Rock."  I know I danced on you.  John Buck leaned down.  "I saw you dance up there.  I saw you dance on the Cathedral Rock, John." 

...... Voices came into me.  "Rest little one, rest now."

We were packing up when I said under my breath.  "You thought you could stop it.  Too late. Tehee."

I heard them. The hounds had found me. It was too strong.  I hurried up without telling John Buck. They came closer. We're going to die like the times before. They would come with guns to kill us. The ceremony was done. It would not matter now. I would just have to prepare to die as I had in the past.  The past. The life of frustration flashing before my eyes as men.  My people came to kill me. Red faces corrupted by the mindless souls. I knew they were coming.  I heard them the nights before. The door was kicked in. I smiled a smile. I could smell their fear. A rifle went off. A body fell.  I came as fierce as a bear ripping at them. My dreams, I thought it would happen now, but it'll all happen in a hundred years. I heard them coming, the hounds.

......I was petrified by a noise. I had to be quick. Subtly, I rushed John Buck into getting cleaned up. It was too late.  They were upon us. History was to repeat itself. I sucked in some air. I held my breath. A family crested the hill. John Buck turned to me, seeing my face. The family was warm and whole. "Is there a good spot to see the sunset down there?"  "Yes,"  I said, as I sighed with relief, "Just down on the rise would be perfect. You'll find a clearing there." John Buck smiled at me. "It’s no longer the same", he said, “the tides have changed.”